Jessica Z by Shawn Klomparens

Author:Shawn Klomparens [Klomparens, Shawn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780440337904
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2008-06-24T04:00:00+00:00

Josh apologizes, again, and again, and again, on our walk back. He should be apologizing; I am furious. Sometimes he almost hangs on me for support, and other times he jams his hands into his pockets and walks ahead of me. When he isn’t apologizing, he’s talking what seems like nonsense.

“The terrain modeling, it can be shaded, but if you shade it, how do you, what makes the vegetation?” he says. “What pigmentation? How do I do that, Jess? God, Jess, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am an asshole, I am such an asshole, I am sorry.”

I don’t even bother trying to shut him up back at my apartment. Pat’s lights are on too. My plan is to just let him pass out, and deal with how I feel about everything in the morning.

Once we’re in my place, I point to the couch. “You’re sleeping there,” I say. He sits down and holds his head in his hands while I get him my thick fleece blanket from the chest in the corner.

“I know. I deserve it.”

I go in the bathroom and brush my teeth, and I jump when I look up and see his red-eyed reflection in the mirror over my shoulder.

“What?” I say.

“Can I use your phone?”

“You aren’t going to call anybody like this.”

“No, really. I need it.”

“What are you going to do? Call an old girlfriend?”

“No, Jess, I’m serious. I need to call Emily.”

“Your sister?”

“Yes, my sister.”

“Josh, I don’t know. Why don’t you get some sleep and call her tomorrow?”

His eyes are begging me. “Please. I need to.”

“Hold on,” I say, and I rinse out my mouth and turn out the light and he follows me back to the living room. I take the phone out of the cradle and hand it to him in the bare light from the street.

“It’s long distance,” he says. “Is that okay?”

“Josh, there’s no—”

“I won’t talk long, I’ll keep it short.”

“It’s free long distance, I don’t care.” Does anybody charge for long distance anymore?

I go to my room and get into my bed, and it seems like a long time before I finally hear him start to dial.

“Hello, Tim. It’s Josh. Yes, Josh, your brother-in-law. Damn it, yes, Tim, I know, I know it’s late there. I’m sorry. Can I talk to Emily? What? Well wake her up, just wake her up!

“Emily, Em, hi, hi. I know, I know. Yes, it’s late, yes. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. No, come on, you know I don’t get drunk. I’m talking loud? Sorry. Better? Happy, what? Happy birthday. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. It’s so hard, Emily. I’ve been thinking about you all day. Yes. Happy birthday.

“Did the boys do anything fun for, no, Em, come on, we need to talk right now. Don’t go. Don’t go. Yes, I’m going to talk about that. Speak up. Speak up. Why do you even care? He doesn’t listen to you anyway. Yes, I am going to talk like that. I’m not afraid to say it.

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